— tapioca world tour

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October, 2005 Monthly archive

New York was, as usual, a 36-hour adventure that felt more like 360 hours. Aside from getting stuck in the rain at midnight without really knowing where I was going to sleep, until N. and J. saved my soggy ass from a cold night on the street, things were cool.

nycI got to see S. for a glorious day of rain and self-portraits…we went to the Photography Expo at Javits Center, which was filled with shiny new Nikons and Adobe staffers. That was followed by Zak Smith’s art exhibit, which was a major reason I went down to NYC. It was pretty cool. His stuff looks totally different in person than on a computer screen. And, as he pointed out in a blog comment that sat in my spam filter for 6 months, he only uses acrylics, not oils or watercolor. Knowing that, his stuff seemed more impressive. I remain convinced that Zak is one of the pioneers of our generation’s nonexistant urban art movement. Wait, let’s take back that sentence. It sounded really pretentious, when the fact is I have no idea what I’m talking about. I don’t know about art; I just know when I like something. I don’t really know why I like it. I can’t describe what I like about it. And for some reason, despite the female portrait theme of young, hot and possibly strung-out women blinking apathetically through his paintings, or maybe because of it, because he’s found a way to mix edginess and uncertainty with utter realism (and express it two-dimensionally), or maybe because he doesn’t care to impress anybody, so much so that he titled his exhibit “Exquisite as Fuck” — maybe that’s why I like Zak’s art. If you like art, you should go down to Frederick & Freiser Gallery and see it before Sunday, when it’s over. Ok?

Then what happened?

Right, the story of the weekend. After dinner with multilingual Flo & funkmaster poet DeWayne, but before meeting smart cyber-pal G., I met with a successful independent world-traveling documentary producer to learn about the business. He told me what I expected to hear: you don’t need a master’s degree to be taken seriously as a filmmaker; you just need to make great films. Also: you have to sell your soul to the corporate TV networks if you ever want to be able to feed yourself and make documentaries on the side.

“Sorry,” I said. “I can’t do it. I’m incapable of working for anyone I don’t respect.”

To that, he laughed out loud. “Then you’re in the wrong industry,” he answered. Then he asked how old I was.

I’m 27.

He’s probably early-40s, but he didn’t offer up much personal info to me, and I didn’t ask. But before leaving the large leather chair in his spacious Chinatown loft, I asked him: “So in this field, do you have to be single forever?” It was a serious question. “Well,” he said. “It certainly helps. It’s hard to find someone who will trapse around the world with you.” (That’s a conclusion I came to long ago.) “But generally you always end up hooking up with crew members,” he continued, “so you’ll never be lonely.”

“Speak for yourself,” I said. “That’s not for me.”

And it isn’t. Call me crazy, but I’m a big fan of monogamy.
So the struggle to become a successful control-freak global multimedia producer continues. All aboard, people.


Fast-forward to this morning.

ry_teethRy had to get his wisdom teeth out, por fin, and long ago I’d volunteered to play Mom. So I took the day off work and brought him to the Doc and watched him drool blood and act totally incoherent, poor thing, and while I shopped for gauze, he waited patiently in Brooks Drugs reading all about Bono until the blood started dripping onto the pages of Rolling Stone. Whoops.

I took him home, got him soup, canned peaches, soy milk, yogurt, applesauce. We watched a dumb movie. He was there for me when I was toothless, so now I’m here for him. I’m still here: rainy Davis Square. Exhausted from late nights. There’s just one more thing I’d like to point out:

Everyone has been extremely pleasant today, I’ve noticed. Even drivers. People are saying “Please” and “Thank you” and “Pardon me” and making jokes and giving me discounts off groceries. The pin on the checkout clerk’s sweater even said “Life is terrific!”

Because it is.

Big Brother’s still alive and well in Washington:

Secret Code in Color Printers Lets Government Track You

San Francisco – A research team led by the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) recently broke the code behind tiny tracking dots that some color laser printers secretly hide in every document.

The U.S. Secret Service admitted that the tracking information is part of a deal struck with selected color laser printer manufacturers, ostensibly to identify counterfeiters. However, the nature of the private information encoded in each document was not previously known….

To those of you who are standing up to this human infestation of moral rodents, the Bush gang, I salute you.

That’s from a forwarded lefty email by a pretty angry lady. There’s too much ‘ennui’ among the democrats. If they could just get a little more emotional — or scheming, rather than emotional — maybe something would happen. Democrats are like that brooding kid in high school who never cut his hair and only carried a single pencil to class and would sit in the middle row, drawing three-dimensional octagons with shadows. You run into the kid ten years later and are surprised to see he’s got on a collared shirt and is working as a mid-level programmer in some corporate office, the kind with $1500 single-cup-of-coffee machines in the kitchen, although he still wears Docs and hasn’t shaved for at least four days. He’s had the same girlfriend for eight years, she still works at the video store, and they’re never getting married. But they have two cats, and on weekends they make waffles. When they argue, he stops talking and “goes for a walk”, and then she writes him a letter summarizing her feelings, and then he responds to the letter with his own letter after an evening of silence, and then the next day he calls her at work and says, “Are we cool?”

“Yeah, we’re cool,” she says.

That’s what Democrats are like.

kids swinging fall
It’s cold, and I’m hungry. We’re in the depths of autumn, and the kids and I spent the afternoon in the park, throwing leaves at eachother and playing “castle” (they made me the slave in the dungeon, go figure)…

The move took about 13 hours, more or less. D. sure has a lot of stuff. But, regardless of the lack of heat and food and the barking dogs upstairs, it’s nice here. Nice to finally have a place I can live in, instead of just room in. I’m just real tired, and a bit hungry, and I’m going to watch ‘Baran’ without E., and contemplate ways to get to Islamabad to visit Haniya and volunteer with reconstruction. That said, anyone have extra flyer miles they can lend me? It’s for a good cause…

I feel the need to document my last night in the old place. It’s been six whole months, which is longer than any of the other five places I’ve lived since England last year.

Maybe it sounds twisted, but I thrive on moving. It makes me feel like the nomadic essence of my soul is still intact — that I’m still not tied down to any one place, that I still have the ability to pick up and move whenever I like. It’s something I inherited from my mom: less a fear of standing still (though part that), more an itchiness to continue exploring. Life passes so quickly and the world is so huge — why not see as much as possible? Not that Somerville and Cambridge cover such a vast range of Planet Earth, but you know, baby steps…

I wish I could tell E. which song to play first when he DJs the wedding he’s attending right now in Cali, but he’s DJing at this very moment, I think, so it’s too late to shout over the midwest, “Hey! Play Love and some verses by Iron & Wine!” Oh well.

Last night I had a repeat of a dream I’d had some months ago.

I dreampt I was back in Newburyport. It was 1991 again and I had to babysit for A. and W. at 5p. But I wasn’t 13 anymore — I was 27, as if I’d gone back in time, and the kids were 5 and 7 again. I was hiding in the bushes outside the house, looking up at A. and W., who had climbed a tree. I wasn’t sure if I should let them see me. I knew they’d recognize me, and recognize the fact that I was not the actual me they knew, but the me from the future. I heard their mom inside; she was in a bad mood, still dealing with the separation from her husband. I caught W.’s eye in the tree and I knew she knew who I was. I got up and walked into the house, I think I talked to their mom first but I forget what was said.

Then I talked to the kids. I explained that lots of things were going to happen in the next fourteen years — that their lives would be filled with some really hard times, but things would always get better. I thought of their parents’ divorce, their mom’s next boyfriend, their breakup, then her future husband. I thought of A.’s drunk driving in high school, his car accident after that, his academic trouble in college, his best friend’s impending suicide. I started to cry when I thought of this last one. I couldn’t tell them all of this, but I think somehow they knew I was trying to warn them of something, and in fact I might have been communicating all of this silently. We were supposed to go to their soccer game at the park, and I knew I’d see Jeremy there — A.’s wonderful, gorgeous and brilliant friend who, at 19, would become too sad to stay alive. Then I thought of his wonderful little sister, who would trade her best-friendship with W. for popularity in high school until they virtually became strangers. I thought of how she would look at her brother’s funeral, her face buried in her knees. Now we were all crying. It was terrible.

Why did I have to come back and warn them about the future? I just felt there was a need to tell them that there would always be hard times ahead, but they’d get through them and be fine. That’s what happens to all of us. That’s what life is.

The only really cool part was the sensory aspect of the dream — I could see and feel everything as if it really were 1991 again. W.’s short white-blond hair, how small she was then; her brother’s tendency to really cry when he got angry and stop speaking when he got sad; the way the sidewalk cracked on Orange Street; the bushes in front of their old house; even the tiny white pebbles from the fishbowl which we threw onto their gravel driveway when the fish died — those white pebbles stayed there for years. In the dream I noticed them again, checking to make sure they were still there, spread out in a small circle, and feeling relieved that some omens still exist, that my memory isn’t fictional: that we really lived there then, that we really looked like that and ran around and played in the street, not thinking about such trifles as the future, so mundane and unknown and irrelevant.

It just kind of bothers me that I’ve had nearly the same dream twice. Makes me want to scoop up W., now 19, and together go visit her brother in Vermont. I don’t know why.

Thursday evening. Probably. At my *new* flat near Harvard Sq. Dinner included. All mediums encouraged. Yes, very very exciting, I agree. Please come.