I just got a roll of film developed from last month’s Halloween party during my last weekend in Manchester. I’m sober in this picture, since I’m always sober, but I can’t say the same for the other roomies in the photo. I miss them. I miss the collective insanity. I miss hearing phrases in 4 or 5 languages, including Gaelic; I miss Ben playing Arabic tunes on his 12-string in the room below me. I miss the dinner parties. The international parties. The drag parties. The homework parties. What fun times. What fun people. What a fun place to live. Too bad Manchester Uni was the pit of hell.
sigh…

contretemps \KAHN-truh-tahn\, noun;
plural contretemps \-tahnz\:
An inopportune or embarrassing situation or event; a hitch.

prink PRINGK, transitive verb:
1. To dress up; to deck for show.

intransitive verb:
To dress or arrange oneself for show; to primp.

cormorant KOR-mur-unt; -muh-rant, noun:
1. Any species of Phalacrocorax, a genus of sea birds having a sac under the beak; the shag. Cormorants devour fish voraciously, and have become the emblem of gluttony. They are generally black, and hence are called sea ravens, and coalgeese.
2. A gluttonous, greedy, or rapacious person.

pastiche pas-TEESH; pahs-, noun:
1. A work of art that imitates the style of some previous work.
2. A musical, literary, or artistic composition consisting of selections from various works.
3. A hodgepodge; an incongruous combination of different styles and ingredients.

tattoo ta-TOO, noun:
1. A rapid, rhythmic drumming or rapping.
2. A beat of a drum, or sound of a trumpet or bugle, giving notice to soldiers to go to their quarters at night.
3. A display of military exercises given as evening entertainment.

I have an account with skype. I have a working webcam and now (thanks to some free SndVol32.exe downloads), a working mic.

Hit me up for a free video conference! It’s so cool! You just download the app (free) at www.skype.com and add me: pazomuerte

Ok, people? People on the other side of oceans, can you hear me? Can you see me? No, you can’t, but you can if you download skype.

GOD BLESS THE INTERNET. For rizzo.

COASTING

We got the wrench
thrown in the wheels of our solo spinning plans; now I’m off-course and we’re

coasting on the sloping
thin city streets on the weekends,
past families at yard sales, scowling
drivers and bikers dressed like me;

(these are omens of consistency
or they’re omens of nothing more than
the season sinking around us from my weightless
pleasure of your company. What we’re left with

is a forward motion, a slow rolling back, glimpses of green grass in pretty patches and
broken glass in downward glances repeating and repeating on the long ride from your house to mine.
And what wind! In the evenings it swirls in patterns, whooshing like a great train, like a freight train
over these heavy days &

blowing
our futures
around) — no doubt

this is a turbulent time:

I know you know because sometimes at night your face becomes a twisted chain dropped
between the shadows and the light — why is dreaming such a struggle? You should be placid:
this is summer.

(I need congruity. I need a calm breeze.)

I need you to lean into me, these moments when you’re troubled.
For all the hours I am still here I need you to need me, just a little.

Since it’s my last night living officially at Ryan’s house, I went along with him to his show tonight at The Living Room in Providence, city you can never get out of no matter which direction you drive. The show was great, but the green room (blue room) was disgusting. There were badly-drawn penises all over the walls, and red spraypaint completely lacking any artistic integrity.

Needless to say, I thought this environment an excellent photo opp while Ry tuned up his guitars. Since I only had my phone camera, I had to make do…

I will miss this.
I will miss him when I go.

i never been fake & i never been phoney
i got more flavor than a packet of macaroni

I just rediscovered Laure-Anne Bosselaar. Although not the author of the remixed rap track quoted above, she is Belgian and excellent, like large waffles.

You should check her out.

Spiced pumpkin pecan cheesecake is awesome. Did you know it takes 64 ounces of cream cheese to make four of those pies? Unbelievable.

So I had a lovely ThanxG with the family friends. There were lots of babies and baked things. Afterwards I went to Cohasset with Adam, their son whom I’ve known since preschool, to see his new place. It’s right on the ocean, a famous sea-street called “Jerusalem Road”. His ridiculously nice studio space reminds me of what a modest salary can buy when one does not live in the city…

It also reminds me that things happen really fast: one day we’re 2, the next we’re 8, 14, then 21, suddenly we’re pushing 30…my God, you know? It’s just a bit terrifying. Adam and I sat around discussing pressure and the future and careers and travel and how we’re so old we’re nearly in our graves. Or not. I’m forcing him to go to Guatemala with me this summer for a month to do this intensive language program. I really hope the trip happens. I need things like this to look forward to, else I’ll feel squished by my small American city.

Meanwhile, Adam owns the double discs for The K&D Sessions. Why have I not owned this for four years? Track two on disc one was the soundtrack to my final video project at Smith. It was a crappy little project, but one I worked damn hard on, and I hadn’t heard that music for years til last night. So I went out and bought the compilation just now. Those Germans, that techno, I mean c’mon…when they do something, they really do it right, you know? We Americans are only known for our shoddy production of oversized cars, boiled hotdogs and embarassingly awful reality tv series.

Que peor.

In other news, Marcus is now in Laos with his friend Nat, filming and photographing displaced peoples along the Ho Chi Minh Trail for the next six months. It’s things like this that remind me life is so exciting, even if it’s not my own life.

I know some really interesting people. And the holidays always highlight their, how to say, specialness…

I am not going “home” to Philly for turkey day, for microwaved instant stuffing and cranberry slices from a can and frozen green beans defrosted in Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom, then topped with dehydrated onion rings, all of which comprise the staple Thanksgiving meal at the Dougherty household since the death of my grandmother, Anna McKeown Dougherty, the first and last great cook of my sad little family.

No, despite my mother’s pleadings, I haven’t the time or funds for a big trip like that right now; I love my ma but right now I’m more focused on moving into the new place. I’ll bake a pumpkin cheesecake for one of my pseudo-families, with whom I’ll spend the holiday, and call home while I’m eating it.

My pals, however, all do very interesting things when these commercialized occasions roll around. Does anyone really “give thanks” on one particular Thursday? I hope so, but that should be a perpetual, personal and solumn event, not a farm-animal-inspired Macy’s One-Day Sale. That said, here a few of my good friends explain their festive plans:

SHIVA
Im doing that Berlin conference thing for thanksgiving
which i dnt really want to do but its good for the resume –
and life must naturally revolve around a peice of fucking
paper so im gonna do it.

REEN
should be a great week since it’s thanksgiving and
all, but i (stupidly) volunteered to go to f’ing arizona and
observe young stars, instead of eat cranberry sauce and
mashed potatoes at home. argh. anyway. another week.
another paycheck. teaching science in the ghetto.

JOE R.
I’ll be staying in NYC this t’giving. I have to work
Wednesday and I don’t feel like traveling, and I’m not
feeling altogether festive either, to tell the truth.

They’re brilliant, these people. Honest to God, I sit up nights wondering how it is I’ve come to know all these brilliant people. Sure, they’re overworked and stressed out, but they’re inspiring, and one day, dammit, one day something great will happen to all of us….

bayley says:
“these are dark days, dougherty. dark days.”

i tend to agree with her.
it tends to pile up all at once, doesn’t it?

“I think we should stand around your camera with candles and chant something”

ha haaaaa